Listen to the inner voice that says you're made for more

(It's only going to get louder over time)

Long before I ever decided I needed to get a divorce, there were whispers within me saying that surely there must be more for me out there. That there must be more to love and marriage than what I was experiencing; that I was made for more than what I had.

For many years, when those whispers arose, I shamed them into silence. I would remind myself how lucky I was to have a loving and caring partner and the kind of solid relationship that plenty of people envied. I would tell myself that I should be grateful for what I had and that my belief in something better was probably just a selfish fantasy.

The truth is, my body was way ahead of my brain in realizing that I was gay, and my brain was tying itself in knots to avoid the inconvenience of what my body was insisting on. Because if I acknowledged that the whispers might have a point, then everything would have to change.

I would have to conceptualize my entire past and who I knew myself to be. I would have to deeply hurt someone I cared about. I would have to give up the very specific future I'd spent years working toward. And I would have to go through the legal, monetary, mental, and emotional turmoil of getting divorced and, in many ways, starting over.

So you can see why my brain wasn't too keen on quitting the status quo.

And the resistance won out for a while. But eventually, I reached the point where the pain of staying comfortable outweighed the pain of change, where the whispers became screams and the yearning for more became unbearable.

My experience is more common than I realized at the time.

Hearing a voice inside that says you're made for more isn't unique to romantic relationships. Those whispers can also pop up in platonic relationships, your education or career (I also heard them when I was working as a lawyer), or anywhere else in your life.

And just like I did, most people do everything they can to ignore, distract from, and rationalize away the feeling. Especially when they've already invested so much into their current situation.

But take it from me, those whispers will keep returning and continuously getting louder until you're willing to get curious about what's causing them. And for good reason!

Most of the time they're trying to alert you that you're out of alignment in some way, whether with your values or your authentic self. Which is useful information to have if living an intentional life is important to you (though I know that doesn't necessarily make those whispers any easier to face).

Here's what I know to be true:

You are worthy of a full, joyful, meaningful life.

Sacrificing your happiness for others is not the mark of a good person.

The fact that you've already spent time, money, and energy on one path doesn't mean it's a good investment to spend more time, money, and energy on that path if it's the wrong path for you.

And if you want more, you are allowed to take steps to get more.

Your body is so, so smart and almost always ahead of the game compared to your brain. If you notice it trying to tell you something repeatedly, it's probably time for a closer look.

Queerly yours,

Shohreh

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