How to make the world less shitty
One thoughtful action at a time
As a person with an online platform, it sometimes feels like the worst kinds of people in the world are regularly pounding on my [virtual] door. Something I get asked repeatedly is how I manage to keep showing up online when the internet can be such a cesspool of mean-spirited trolls and bigots. Truthfully, it isn’t easy, especially as an openly queer and biracial content creator.
I’ve had some pretty dark days due to hate sent my way online, and I remain astounded by the variety of casually cruel and careless comments I get on my posts and see on other people’s. That combined with the general IRL doom and gloom of trying to survive under late-stage capitalism, a climate crisis, white supremacy, patriarchy, cisheteronormativity (and on and on) can really get me down.
But when I think about how I want to live the one life I’ve got, the answer I keep coming back to is:
Free (to be me, engage in authentic expression, have meaningful relationships, make and interact with art, experience pleasure and delight).
Going down fighting for the kind of world I wish I had grown up in.
There are many ways I’m working to live those values and combat the barrage of negativity and hopelessness around me.
Continuing to put myself out there online is one way. On my best days, I view my social media presence as important representation for those who can see themselves in parts of my story. Not hiding away is also an act of resistance against those who try to shame me and put me in my place simply for who I am.
Additionally, I’m always trying to think of ways to push my small corner of the world in a kinder, more supportive, and more equitable direction. My idea of a purpose-driven life is one where I did more good than harm while I had the chance. It’s also so cool to think that I have the power to be the best part of someone else’s day every single day if I make an effort.
So I thought I would share some of the ways it’s possible to do that as a reference for the next time you feel like you have no control over the horrors around you.
35 ways to make the world less shitty
Send a message of gratitude to a creator on social media whose content you enjoy (I have years’ worth of kind messages and comments from followers saved in a folder in my Google Drive). Liking and commenting on their posts is always great too, and bonus, it helps with engagement.
Keep snail mail alive! Put a card or letter in the mail to someone you care about. If you want to be extra fancy, add a fun stamp or some stickers.
Look for ways to celebrate your loved ones beyond expected milestones like birthdays, graduations, and weddings. Why not also celebrate raises and career changes? Pet adoptions? Moving and new homes? Friendship milestones? Hobby achievements?
Carry a Tide pen with you on your person or in your car. I’ve saved people’s outfits from stains dozens of times by keeping a Tide pen tucked in my purse.
When you see something that reminds you of someone, let them know by sending a picture or description of it. “This made me think of you” messages are a love letter.
Respect other people’s choices around how they dress, eat, live, etc. when their choices have no effect on you. What are you trying to accomplish by telling someone, “Wow. I can’t believe you ate that whole burger,” or “Aren’t you a little old for mini skirts?” You don’t have to like or agree with a person’s decisions to stop yourself from commenting on them.
Store important information like birthdays, addresses, coffee orders, and likes/dislikes of the people you love in your phone contacts and/or calendar so you don't forget them.
Send a little cash via an app like Venmo or Paypal to brighten someone’s day, whether you want to show support, recognize a significant date in their life, or just because.
Try not to ask questions you can google yourself, especially of people who likely get asked similar questions all the time. The extra 10 seconds it takes you to look the answer up is worth the mental/emotional labor you’ll be saving that person.
When genuine compliments pop into your head, share them out loud instead of keeping them to yourself (caveat: be considerate of power dynamics and the appropriateness of certain compliments within specific kinds of relationships). In a similar vein, be as quick to point out great work as you are to point out mistakes.
Leave positive online reviews (Google, Yelp, direct testimonials, etc.) for businesses doing good work in the world.
Be curious and ask questions about the things that excite your loved ones, even if those things aren’t that interesting to you. It always warms my heart to see people’s eyes light up when they’re talking about something important to them.
Send treats or flowers when someone you love needs a pick-me-up or when you just want them to know you’re thinking of them.
Be kind and courteous to people in the service industry. Your bad day is not their fault.
Return your shopping cart. I know it’s annoying when there isn’t a corral close to your car, but those extra steps will make an employee’s life easier (and might save some grass or even someone’s car!).
When you see great content, share it widely and direct the people you share it with back to the original creators (tags are always great). This also goes for amazing art, music, and shows.
Try to assume the best of people and give them the benefit of the doubt, even when it's hard (unless they've already given you reasons not to). This is definitely a practice, but it’s one I keep coming back to.
Help clean up after the party or gathering you’re attending without being asked (and when the host tells you that you don't have to, tell them you want to). Party prepping and hosting duties can take all day, and it’s a huge letdown when you also have a massive amount of cleaning to do after everyone goes home.
Stick up for people when you see them being mistreated, especially if it’s less risky for you to do so because you have more privilege or know-how.
Teach someone something (assuming the person in question is receptive to it—I’m not encouraging giving unsolicited advice). A tip, a life hack, information you picked up in school or through a hobby. When opportunities come up to share your knowledge, be generous with it!
Call or text someone you haven't talked to in a while to say hello out of the blue and let them know you’re thinking of them.
Forgive a debt someone owes you if you can swing it financially.
Nominate people for awards, positions, and lists when opportunities come up to do so. Someone has to be selected. Why not someone you already think is awesome?
Offer to take a photo when you see a person trying to take a tricky selfie, and if they accept, be sure to take multiple photos in different angles and orientations so they have a variety to choose from.
If you’re physically able, be aware enough of your surroundings that you can hold open doors for people when they need it or offer to help carry things when you see people struggling.
Apologize to someone from your past for your behavior, even if you think they've long forgotten about it. Thanks to my online presence, I’ve reconnected with a lot of people from phases of my life where I handled situations very differently from how I would now, and I’ve offered heartfelt apologies to a lot of those people. It’s really nice when someone demonstrates their growth.
Join your neighborhood’s Buy Nothing group (there’s an app as well as a bunch of private Facebook groups) and try to give stuff away to fellow members before throwing things out. I’ve successfully given away clothes, household goods, decorations, unopened food, lightly used beauty products, etc., and all it required of me was putting the items out on the porch for pick up. You never know who may be in the market for what you no longer need.
Make a point to remember the names of the people your loved ones talk about most (you can write them down in a note if your name recall isn’t so hot).
When people vent to you, ask them what they need from you instead of automatically launching into offering wisdom or telling them it's going to be okay. Are they looking for sympathy? Shared outrage? Advice? A pep talk?
Support people in their things, whether their band is playing a show, they're reading a poem at an open mic night, or their work is being featured in an art showcase (and when you can't be there in person, let them know you're cheering them on from afar).
Follow up after someone shares something with you to see how it all panned out or what happened next.
When someone asks you to keep something a secret, actually do so. Note: If you always tell your significant other secrets, let the person know that and be sure to get their permission first—maybe they wouldn’t be telling you the secret if they knew you were going to also share it with your partner.
Keep a running list of meaningful gift ideas for your loved ones instead of waiting to come up with something a few weeks before you need to have a gift ready.
When someone you love is sick, offer to care for them in whatever way you have the capacity for (bringing over medicine or food, sending money for them to order soup, keeping them company, running an errand for them, etc.).
Become an organ donor. There are far more people in need of a lifesaving transplant than available organs. I know thinking about death isn’t fun, but organ donation is an easy way to potentially save multiple lives when you die (interesting fact: only three in 1,000 people die in a way that allows for organ donation). Besides, you’ll be dead! It’s not like you’re going to need those organs anymore.
Maybe doing these things won’t change society as we know it, but they certainly have the ability to change the lives of the people in your direct orbit. And at the end of the day, how we interact with and treat other people is one of the only things we have any control over.
So save this list somewhere you can find it, maybe even add your own ideas (feel free to put them in the comments if you’re a paid subscriber!), and come back to it when you need a tangible way to move the needle in a better direction.
Queerly yours,
Shohreh
To get in touch, shoot me an email at hello@shohrehdavoodi.com. For more from me, follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and Threads.
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