Feeling fear and doing it anyway

The difference between "Do Not Enter" and "Stop" signs

When I was still working as a life coach and consultant, I regularly heard from people who were interested in working with me but also felt fear and nervousness around the idea of doing the deep work of learning to trust themselves. As an example, during the enrollment period for one of my programs, I posted a question box in my IG stories for people to submit any questions they might have about joining, and one person wrote, "I know I need this, but I'm also weirdly afraid. That's where the good stuff lives right

Rather than encouraging them to push down their fears and sign up already (something I would have never said to a prospective client but that a lot of business owners would), I responded by assuring them their fears were completely normal, not weird, and talking about the role of fear in decision-making. I thought y'all might want to hear more about that too.

As annoying as fear can be sometimes, it has an essential biological purpose. Fear exists to warn us about perceived threats, both physical and emotional, in order to keep us safe. And one of the places where fear regularly crops up is around new experiences. The unfamiliar is a nice blank canvas for our brains to color in with "what ifs" and assumptions about ourselves, what we're capable of, and what other people might think (and we usually go straight for the negative ones).

If when you feel fear about new experiences you interpret it as a sign to stop and turn back, you might benefit from teaching yourself to see fear as a sign to pause instead.

Think about the difference between a "Do Not Enter, Wrong Way" sign you'd encounter trying to enter the highway on an offramp versus a stop sign at an intersection. The former is an immediate cause for concern that's meant to keep you from continuing because if you ignore it, you'll be in imminent danger. The latter is something you'd expect to see while driving that tells you to stop temporarily and assess your surroundings before continuing on. There might be danger in the form of other vehicles at the intersection or people crossing in the crosswalk, but not necessarily.

Both types of signs exist to protect you in certain circumstances, but they're not interchangeable. If you treat every stop sign like a "Do Not Enter, Wrong Way" sign, you'll never make any forward progress. And the same is true if you treat feeling fear as a reason to never try anything new.

Only you can decide if doing the thing you're afraid of is worth it. It might not be! Or it might not be right now. And that's okay. But don't make the mistake of assuming that the simple presence of fear means you don't want to do something or shouldn't do something.

People tend to forget that fear can and often does coexist with other feelings.

You can feel fear and pleasure.

You can feel fear and excitement.

You can feel fear and hope.

You can feel fear and decide it's worth doing the scary thing anyway.

The person who asked me the question about feeling afraid to sign up for my program ended up signing up. Not because they magically became unafraid, but because they realized their fear didn't have to stop them from doing something they felt could really benefit them. And the same can be true for you.

Queerly yours,

Shohreh

p.s. In today's newsletter, I am speaking to fear in general. If you experience an anxiety or fear-based disorder like generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, OCD, certain phobias, etc., your mileage may vary with what I suggested. Nothing is ever one size fits all.

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